Update

Haven't had time to blog since I got back to Montreal because I've been dancing and working hard ever since. And you know what, my hard work over summer paid off, I've gotten comments from a few teachers and some other students in my dance classes who said that I've improved or could tell that I've been training. This made me feel pretty proud of myself and very happy because I HAVE been working my ass off! At one point though, I thought that it still wasn't enough because I knew in my heart that there's so much more room for improvement. Knowing that I was physically and mentally ready to step my dancing up a notch but not having the time to practice and to do it because I had to do homework and study was frustrating. For awhile I felt pretty down because of it, but it also got me thinking that I may have been putting a little too much pressure on myself and rushing things a little. It also felt like I was trying to prove to everybody that I am good which really was not the right way of thinking because I dance for myself so I shouldn't be dancing to prove anything to anyone. Taking back a step to just breath and relax really helped me get my head in the right place, and I've come up with a few things that I should keep in mind for future references if I ever something brings me down (thought I'd share it with you guys):

• Anything you do and want to do well, will take time
• Don't rush it, just keep doing your thing, work hard and everything will slowly fall in place
• Keep training and keep pushing
• Stop comparing yourself with others. Yes, friendly competition is good, but more so you should focus on yourself and develop your own style. Don't be a photocopy machine ;)

So, overall, I feel a lot better now and I feel like I'm in a better state of mind to actually continue on improving. It's tough trying to balance school work, dance dance classes and everything else, but I'm managing. Also, did my first gig 2 weeks ago, so hopefully those will keep coming! :P

Dilemma

Well, WAS having a dilemma, but I think I've made my a decision now.

So what happened was a last week I got an email from the head therapist of McGill's Track and Field Team which made me think about my coming term at school. There is so much that I want to do with my dancing starting September, getting more involved with MSSD, taking extra dance classes on Sundays, hustling, taking my usual dance classes at Studio MP and staying with my dance crew. On top of that I have school and I'm going to be a volunteer student therapist for the track and field team... I wish I could say that I have the time to do everything, but I don't and this is going to sound bad, but I am not willing to sacrifice my dancing for my grades just yet...

However, I have been talking to some friends about what I should do and doing some thinking myself. I also managed to talk to a guest dance teacher from Broadway Dance Center who is giving classes at my studio in HK right now and she gave me that extra confidence in making my choice. She told me this, "If you're not planning to become a ballerina then you've got a long ways ahead of you. I went to collage too and you just gotta do your thing, definitely finish undergrad, but keep dancing and don't let it stress you out too much."

After all this thinking and debating on what to do, my decision is really to play it by ear and make choices as I go because there are just too many things that are uncertain right now. Will I still be able to do a master's in physiotherapy? Can I balance my time with all the things related to dance that I want to do and with school?
Another question that was brought up during my discussions with friends is that do I want to commit to things that I don't really want to do just for the sake of making my resume look 'nicer'?

I don't know if this is the right way I'm going, but I want to make the best of my time while I'm still in school, do what I want to do now before it's too late and enjoy myself. So I'm planning to give everything a one month trial and if I really start to struggle, I may cut back on the physio thing (because really, I'm only doing it for my resume) and maybe take a few less dance classes, hopefully that'll be enough... If you were me, what would you do?

Reality Check

Have I been dreaming too big?

I recently gave myself a small assessment on whether or not I CAN actually improve as much as I want to within a year's time. At some point while I was doing all this thinking, I've come to realize that to dance and to make a living from it at the same time is almost impossible, especially for where I am at now. Not only is it really difficult and it would take a lot of time and a lot of practice, but you also need to be good enough and get recognition from other people. Now that I've come to think of it, even though my dance teachers are all amazing at what they do, they all are either still in school or they have part-time jobs. This just shows that even at their level, to just dance and make a living from it is not easy.

As I was giving myself this small assessment, I've also rewatched the few videos that I have of myself waacking and all I can say is that I am so blessed to have amazing dancers/teachers around me and helping me because man have I improved! Hopefully, I'll continue to progress this way. There is still so much for me to learn, but I'm determined to show the world that I can do this. I will keep my dream alive, but probably be more realistic about it from now on. Don't get me wrong, this still means that I am going to give it my all, but I do need to finish school so that I can find work to support myself and my dancing. Whether or not my dancing can take me to where I want be... I guess we'll have to see :)

On a side note, I will be going back to Hong Kong soon for summer. Definitely going to miss Montreal, but I also contacted one of the waackers in HK so can't wait see what the dance scene is like there!

Here are my videos, first one is of me practicing before Hot Mess this March which is also the first time I filmed myself and second one is the one from Bust A Move.